May
2014
The Mayhem Continues!
What more could the capitol want! First a tsunami and bow they want poisonous frogs! Maybe I am not cut out for this anymore. I dont know what to do anymore. I know i have to if I want to stay alive. So I do what the capitol tells me to. I insert the poisonous frogs in the high grass where two tributes are hiding. The capitol just informed me i have to kill two people with the frogs. So I place the frogs right next to the tributed in the grass. We wait the room silent to see what happends next.
The one tribute picks up the frog and boom it put its deadly venom right in her hand in a matter of seconds the one tribute is dead. Another frog jumps onto the other tribute and does the same thing. BOOM! The cannons blow twice. I cant beileve what i have done i have killed two other innocent people. I get that tingly feeling again and then i remember that i wont be killed. The capitol seemed to enjoy the innocennt people! It is disgusting and i dont lnow how much longer I can do this.
4joshe
May 29, 2014 at 1:05 pm (10 years ago)Starting off with the very first sentence, a grammatical error I noticed: What more could the capitol want! That should be a question mark, not an exclamation point. A lot of unnecessary fragments are scattered into this passage, so it would be nice to have the thoughts completed and or expanded into full sentences. Lastly, you TOLD about the event, when you should have SHOWED me it by using more sensory details.
4rachelh
May 29, 2014 at 1:06 pm (10 years ago)I liked the way you expressed your emotion through your writing! There were however a lot of grammar mistakes. The i’s were lower case and you merged your words together in some spots. Next time just proofread before you publish your blog post!
4blake
May 29, 2014 at 1:09 pm (10 years ago)Your piece was very fun to read, you had a lot of action in it. I saw a lot of simple grammar mistakes throughout the post though. There were a lot of ‘i’, just make sure you capitalize them next time you write. “The one tribute picks up the frog and boom it put its deadly venom right in her hand in a matter of seconds the one tribute is dead. ” I liked the message you were trying to convey in this sentence, but the incorrect grammar got in the way of me loving this piece. It will be an easy fix for next time you write, and I’m sure that your next post will be the bomb.